Wedding Shoes

I decided on Friday that I wouldn’t write over the weekend, choosing instead to spend some time with my family, living in the now, enjoying the present. But it’s Sunday, the big one has gone out for the day. The middle one is demonstrating, firmly, her dislike to suncream by refusing to get dressed or leave the house, not even venturing into the garden. And the small one, well she just does her own thing, wanting minimal interruptions from Mummy. Jon is preoccupied with trying to sell his possessions on eBay to make his fortune. And I am sitting in the garden, trying to persuade the small wild one that it’d be better to eat the lunch I’ve prepared than the soil from the flower beds, with a reason to write.

My friends. My lovely, kind, wonderful friends are my reason to write today.

On Friday, the forgotten gymnastics class meant that Grandpa took Isla and Jon went along with him. So my mum came to my house with my wedding dress! It’d been a while since I’d last tried it on, a few weeks, a haircut and a significant weight loss since I had decided it was the one. I was so pleased with how it looked. I took some photos and decided, because I’m rubbish at keeping things a secret, to send the pictures on a group message to my friends.

The friends I made when I moved here back in the dark days of 2014. They were my sister’s friends, school mums. They welcomed me into their little group straight away. They were kind to me and to my children. I could see, immediately, why my sister was friends with them. All of them quite different in personalities but yet all so similar. I loved them. I’d be lying if I said that I felt completely at ease with them straight away. I didn’t, but not because of them, because of me. As I have mentioned before, my self confidence and my trust in people had been shattered. I felt like I was a bit ‘nuts’ and that I was the girl with the sob story. Making friends was never easy for me, but it was worse now. I didn’t want to talk about my past too much, I didn’t want to make these lovely people feel uncomfortable or awkward. I didn’t want to leave them feeling like they didn’t know what to say to me. They were so kind, yet I always had this feeling that they hadn’t had any choice but to be my friends, to welcome me into the group. They were my sister’s friends, would they have liked me if I wasn’t the little sister? I guess even now that’s impossible to answer. But it isn’t something I worry about anymore. Almost four years on and often I think that these women are some of the best friends I have ever had. They are oblivious to how much they have done for me. They have helped me enjoy life again and have got me through the bad days, often not even realising that because of their kindness, their humour and just by being there, I have been able to keep walking forwards.

I sent the photos of me in my wedding dress and we got on to the subject of wedding shoes. I told them that I knew exactly what I wanted to wear but that I couldn’t afford them right now. I feel a little bit embarrassed that I said that now, because today they have messaged to say that together they would like to buy my wedding shoes and won’t take no for an answer. I am overwhelmed and emotional but not at all surprised by their act of kindness.

My favourite thing about moving here, is the wonderful friends the children and I have made. They have, without doubt, helped shape us into the people we are today and I really love them for that.


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