November 2nd

This is so rubbish. It’s all so rubbish. I am so lost and so sad and I cannot stop feeling that way. I want to scream, at everybody. I’m so tired, so tired yet I cannot sleep.

I keep looking at the calendar, 2nd November, I should be nervous, I should be giddy with excitement, I should be busy. I should be busy finishing things, creating things, organising things. My head should be full to the brim, with wedding plans. For a wedding that should be taking place in just over a months time. I should be daydreaming about the big day, imagining saying ‘I do’ imagining how all of my homemade decorations will come together. Imagining how special the Christmas lights will be, how exciting it would be to have snow. I should be worrying about wether or not the first dance is the right song, I should be trying on my dress again, deciding on makeup, deciding what borrowed something and blue something I should have. I should be not sleeping due to wedding stress, not heart break. I should be getting married.

Instead I am here, lost, wanting to scream at everybody, sad and very very tired.


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