Twist in the plot

There is a twist in the plot. A big, painful unexpected twist. I did not plan for my story to turn out this way.

This blog was intended to be about suicide bereavement. Our suicide bereavement. Our journey, our story. The consequences of Martin's death for myself and for my children. It was supposed to be proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It was originally started to try and comfort those who were facing the same grief. It was supposed to document the past and the present, the happy present. It was going to show life in the middle of the storm and life after the storm, life in the bright sunshine after the dark storm. But there's a twist, a twist even I wasn't aware of.

And so I am left, left with a blog that no longer serves it's purpose. What do I do? I want to write, I am not a writer. I am not clever, I am not armed with a wide range of vocabulary or a particularly good grasp of English grammar. But, I have a love of writing. I can escape in my writing, I can express in my writing things that I am just not able to say out loud. Writing for me has become incredibly therapeutic and a necessity. I want to keep writing.

I am afraid, afraid of where I will go in this blog, I have taken myself off Facebook as I am beginning to embarrass myself. Drunken posts, miserable, self pitying posts, ridiculous 'I'm absolutely fine' posts, it's embarrassing. I had to stop that. I am concerned that my blog will become like a diary and I will start writing embarrassing posts on here.

Where does it leave me with this blog? I feel like I am grieving again, that is exactly what it is like, but is that offensive to others who are grieving a death of somebody close? Is it awful of me to compare a heartbreak, a failing of a relationship to a death? All I know is that it feels the same right now and I need to write.


I think I have decided that this blog is my story, my whole unpredictable chaotic story and so I shall continue to write, just as my story continues to unravel. I hope you will all stay to read it, I live in the hope that it has a happy ending.

Comments

  1. Hi Stace it's Tracy here. I am sorry to hear of your recent heartbreak i dont have any words to help or any answers its just bloody horrible and utterly unfair.I have been reading your blog. Never stop writing you are a natural at it. This blog could very easily become your first book. Writing is therapeutic but you also have a natural ability to it. Lots of love to you x

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